Ben 10 Porn Story: No Competition Chapter 2
No Competition
By Arnolds Love & Pointy Objects
Chapter Two Written by: Arnolds Love
Editorial Revisions by: Pointy Objects
Chapter Two: Of French, Photos, and Ferns
..and last, but certainly not least, Id like to thank you, the heart
and soul of Hillwoods French Ambassadors Honor Society, for voting me
into this noble role. I will do all that I can to uphold the traditions that
have made this one of the most prestigious organizations that our grand school has come to support.
Boy, could Helga go onon and on and on. I try to stifle a yawn. She has already been giving her speech for ten minutes and I start wondering if she is ever going finish. I know what she is doing, though. Trying to give a better speech than the one I gave a few weeks ago when I became President of the Speech and Debate Team. So far, I think she is going to fail. That speech I gave was amazing.
I cannot, however, forget to thank my vice president, Arnold. Working in
tandem, I know that we can achieve success and help this lofty establishment grow to new and exciting heights. With me as your president, and Arnold following quietly behind me, there is nothing we cant accomplish. And, as they say, behind every great woman, is a less great, but still moderately acceptable, man. Thank you.
I stare at her. I cant help but blink. Wow. That was brutalabsolutely brutal. Helga never was one to mince words, and still today she can certainly deal a terrible blow. Well, friends, you know what this means dont you? Yep, you got it. Another battle has begun.
I lean back in my chair a moment while the F.A.H.S. breaks and goes about their ways. I try to think back on when Helga and I werent competing in some form or another. When did this all start? I vaguely remember something about us running for Treasurer in the 7th grade, but instead of reminiscing I bring myself back to the present with a slight shake of my head as I spot the new F.A.H.S. president exiting the auditorium.
Boy, she needs to wipe that high and mighty expression off her face. Grabbing my backpack and SRL camera (which I always have handy) I run to catch up to the bouncing blond ponytail.
Im sure youre just loving all this new attention, I call to her as she enters the lobby.
She turns and gives me a devious smile. I roll my eyes, annoyed.
I dont do it for the attention, Arnold. I do it because, I care, she says, dramatically placing her hand over her heart.
Whatever.
Yeah, right. You care about the attention, I remark, stepping towards
her, a devilish smirk filling the contours of my face. She should know by now that I know exactly what goes on in that blond brain of hers. A riveting speech, Ms. President. I bend into a dramatic mocking bow.
Why, thank you, Mr. Vice President. Hmm, vice? She puts a hand to her chin, as if in thought. An adjective, from the Latin vicis, or interchange, meaning to be next in line in importance to. Or maybe, vice in regards to the
Latin term vitium, which is a habit regarded as a weakness or flaw in someones character. Or maybe-
I roll my eyes again. Im surprised that you didnt add that to your speech, I say, huffing for dramatics.
I stare at my lifes opponent. Shes got intellect and attitudea definitely fatal combination. Everyone else knows to steer clear of her, but me? Yah, well, I like a little competition, I guess. It gives me a challenge and an escape from the boring day to day drudgery.
Mrs. Patterson thought it was too long, anyway. And that itd stir up
unnecessary competition.
Stir up? Helga, this pots been stirring for a long time, now I cant help but smile remembering the years and years of endless competition between us.
Tell me about it, she remarks as we near the front of the school.
We live on opposite sides of the school, so I know this is the end of our chat and walk together. Its not my day to volunteer at the animal shelter, and if I am remembering correctly, she doesnt have Jiu Jitsu today either.
She pauses fleetinglyso quickly its almost not a pause at all. The untrained eye wouldnt have caught, but remember Im used to Helga. She does this often. Ive yet to figure out her reasoningthough I have my suspicions.
See you tomorrow, she says finally.
Yup. Remember, Speech and Debate meets at 2:35, sharp, Ms. Vice President. See you there, I say with a little bit of attitude to remind her that I own that group. Just to make sure she catches my drift I throw a little victorious saunter into the works as I walk away.
On my way home on Wednesdays I always drop off my most recent freelance work to the local newspaper. Its a way to earn a little extra money. I also work as a Trig tutor in the math lab on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then most weekends I work at the local zoo. So between all these odd jobs I make enough money to buy gas and take the occasional girl on a date.
The Hillwood Times has a section for freelance photographers and they pay you a fair amount for each picture that they choose to post. Today I was turning in a shot of Helga giving her speech looking a little like Hitler, banging on the podium. The lighting in that one works perfect for the whole Helga as Hitler theme. Thats the best of the four Im turning in. Probably the one they will choose. The other three are some random shots around town, nothing too special.
Once home I look in the fridge for a bite to eat even though dinner is only in a few hours. Im a growing boy, okay? I need my energy. Sorting through the cupboards I finally find a deliciously salty peanut butter granola bar and grabbing my backpack I head up the stairs to study and do homework.
Yah, I guess you could say my life is boring. I like academic work though. Thats why I have the highest grades in my classes, and thats why Helga likes to attempt to beat me. (Yes, please emphasize the word attempt.) Its in her nature to be competitive. In some form or fashion it is her life goal to be the best. And lately it seems if all else failed, as long as she was better than me shed feel successful. Id like to see the day that she conquers me. Im pretty sure that will never happen.
Once in my room I flip on the light and toss my book bag on the bed. Immediately I head for the little spray bottle I keep on my desk. Its a misty day for Cindy-Sue.
Cindy-Sue? Oh, shes my glorious Boston fern that Ive had since eighth grade. Yah, I know Boston fern? Kind of random, Ill admit. But theres a story behind that one.
Its eighth grade, right? Helga and I have this competitive streak going and our teacher, Mrs. Buzzard announces our new botanist project. We will be given a Boston fern (which rumor has it is hard for even the person with the greenest thumb to grow) and for the rest of the year we are to take care of it.
Almost on cue I send Helga a little smirk across the room and she gives me a little raise of the eyebrow and shake of her head. Its on.
Well, to make a long story short, when almost everyone in the class plants died, Helgas and mine thrived and grew. I had found the key to keeping these Boston ferns alive and apparently so had Helga. By the end of the year we each took the longest frond and measured it. And then we measured the diameter. Lets just say I won and Helga couldnt accept that, so we both still have our ferns and we occasionally get together to measure them. Until Helga wins, I doubt this competition will ever die.
This is only just the surface of our insane rivalry. I had never seen Helga as a formidable opponent until 7th grade when we both ran for class Treasurer. I won, of course, but Ill admit itshe gave me a good run for my money. And so it has been ever since. This newest victory of hersPresident of the French Honor Societyhas left me a little venomous, Ill admit. She is definitely stepping up her gamewhich means I definitely need to step up mine. Thats okay, I thrive on competitionso in that regardI guess Im a lot like Helga.
I twiddle my pen between my fingers and stare down at my calculus homework. For some reason I cant concentrate. Something is about to go down. Something really big, which may even be beyond me.
Waitbeyond me? Did I really just say that? Ha! Ya, right. Nothing is beyond me. I can beat Helga at anything she throws at mejust you wait and see.
Game.
Set.
Match.
Author’s Note from Arnold’s Love: Well, we are certainly excited for this and hope you are all joining us in that regard! Hope you enjoyed Arnold’s voice in this, I’m kind of fond of his little spicy attitudeness…anyway, review away and tell us if you see this as being as fantastic we think!